"you're all i want, you're all i need, you're everything..."

why is it that everytime i go anywhere in this town you're there. i run into you, or you find me.... or whatever. why is it that we always get along great? but there's no connections? i just don't understand. i've stopped trying to figure it out.

i know i've screwed up a lot in the last couple weeks, and i know i need to smarten up. i've lost a few friends, but gained several more... i smoked, drank and did other random events that i know are wrong, and not right... yet i still did them. why is that? was i just trying to get your attention? no, obviously not, all it did was drive you away.

i'm not tryin to push you away, i'm just trying to fix what used to be.

help me please.

knockin' on heaven's door...

ever feel like you have everything you want in your life, and yet you feel as if that one thing is missing?

i feel like that all the time lately.

1. Smoked. // Yes
2. Consumed alcohol. // Yes
3. Slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex. // Yes
4. Slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex. // Yes
5. Kissed someone of the same sex. // Yes
6. Had sex.// Yes
7. Had someone in your room other than family. // Yes
8. Watched porn. // Yes
9. Bought porn. // No
10. Done drugs. // Yes
TOTAL SO FAR: 9

1. Taken painkillers. // Yes
2. Taken someone else's prescription medicine. // Yes
3. Lied to your parents. // Yes
4. Lied to a friend. // Yes
5. Been to rehab. // Nope
6. Done something illegal. // Yes
7. Cut yourself. // Yes
8. Hurt someone. // Yes
9. Been to a club. // Yes
10. Seen someone die. // No
TOTAL SO FAR: 17

1. Missed curfew. // Yes
2. Stayed out all night. // Yes
3. Eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself. // Yes
4. Been to a therapist. // Yes
5. Snuck out of the house. // Yes
6. Dyed your hair. // Yes
7. Received a ticket. // Yes
8. Been in an accident. // Yes
9. Wished someone to die. // Yes
10. Been to a bar. // Yes
TOTAL SO FAR: 27

1. Been to a wild party. // Yes
2. Been to a Mardi Gras parade. // No
3. Drank more than four beers in a night. // Yes
4. Had a spring break in Florida. // No
5. Sniffed anything. // Yes
6. Wore black nail polish. // Yes
7. Wore arm bands. // Yes
8. Wore t-shirts with band names. // Yes
9. Listened to rap. // Yes
10. Owned a 50 Cent CD. // No
TOTAL SO FAR: 34

1. Dressed Gothic. // Yes
2. Dressed prep. // Yes
3. Dressed punk. // Yes
4. Dressed grunge. // Yes
5. Stole something. // Yes
6. Been too drunk to remember anything. // Yes
7. Blacked out. // Yes
8. Fainted. // No
9. Had a crush on a neighbor. // No
TOTAL SO FAR: 41

1. Snuck into someone else's room. // Yes
2. Had a crush on your friend. // Yes
3. Been to a concert. // Yes
4. Dry-humped someone. // No
5. Been called a slut. // Yes
6. Called someone a slut. // Yes
7. Installed speakers in your car. // Yes
8. Broken a mirror. // Yes
9. Showered at someone of the opposites sex's house. // Yes
10. Brushed your teeth with someone elses toothbrush. // Yes
TOTAL SO FAR: 50

1. Consider/considered Ludacris your favorite rapper. // No
2. Seen an R-rated movie in theater. // Yes
3. Cruised the mall. // Yes
4. Skipped school. // Yes
5. Had surgery. // No
6. Had an injury. // Yes
7. Gone to court. // Yes
8. Walked out of a restaurant without paying/tipping. // Yes
9. Caught something on fire. // Yes
10. Lied about your age. // Yes
TOTAL SO FAR: 58


1. Owned/rented an apartment. // No
2. Broke the law in the police's presence. // Yes
3. Made out with someone who had a gf/bf. // Yes
4. Got in trouble with the police. // Yes
5. Talked to a stranger. // Yes
6. Hugged a stranger. // Yes
7. Kissed a stranger. // Yes
8. Rode in the car with a stranger. // Yes
9. Been harassed. // Yes
10. Been verbally harassed. // Yes
TOTAL SO FAR: 67

1. Met face-to-face with someone you met online. // No
2. Stayed online for 5 hours straight. // Yes
3. Talked on the phone for more than 4 hours straight. // Yes
4. Watched TV for 5 hours straight. // Yes
5. Been to a fair. // Yes
6. Been called a bad influence. // Yes
7. Drink and drive. // No
8. Prank-called someone. // Yes
9. Laid on a couch with someone of the opposite sex. // Yes
10. Cheated on a test. // Yes
TOTAL SO FAR: 75

-If You Have Less Then 10.. write [I'm a Goody Goody.]
-If You Have More Than 10.. write [I'm still a goody goody.]
-If You Have more Than 20..write [I'm average.]
-If You Have More Than 30..write [I'm a bad kid.]
-If You have more than 40..write [I'm a very bad influence.]
-If You Have more than 50..write [I'm a horrible person.]
-If You Have 70+...write [Public enemy number 1.]

ok wtf?

i'm done with people. i'm done with the high school drama. i didn't do a damn thing, and people are starting shit.

you wanna know the fucking truth? here's the fucking truth. not that you'll believe me, but what the fuck ever.

- i want to hate you with all the fires in the world. i can't. i hate how you don't care about me anymore, or what happens to me. i'm running straight downhill. you were my best friend. you meant the world to me, i would die for you, and i didnt' do shit. i never once said you were a bitch, all i said was that you were hanging out with your new best friend and didn't have much time for me anymore, and you know what? i was fine with that because i'mma busy kid. whatever. you can think what you want. high school changes everything, you'll soon find out who your real friends are. thanks anyways. as for you, and you know who you are. i don't give a damn if you start dating anyone. i don't care who she is. its not my life, its yours and i dont care what you do with it. i have my own life and my own problems to deal with. if you want to be with her, than be with her. its not that hard of a problem to work out. but seriously leave me the hell out of it. i don't want anything to do with it. i didn't mind her. she seemed cool. as for me talking shit about her, or sayin' that shes everything that you hate, I DON'T EVEN FUCKING KNOW HER! so whatever. i've stopped trying to prove to you that i'm a good kid. who knows. things change. people change. not always for the best right? look, i dont' want to fight with you. not at the moment anyways. you're a good kid, and as i told you before, whoever gets you is a lucky girl. i just wasn't the one. and i'm okay with that now. but please, get it through your head that i'm not the type to talk shit about other people, especially when i don't even know them. as far as me "telling your mom" that you were dating her, i never once. all i said was that i heard from a friend that you guys had a thing, and all i did was ask if you had said anything. THAT'S ALL. but whatever. i guess i'm lying, cuz apparantly i lie all the time. i've seemed to have mastered that technique. i'm done.

IF I WANTED TO TALK SHIT ABOUT YOU, I WOULD SAY IT TO YOUR FACE.

okay. so for the rest of you who decide to talk shit about me, start rumors, turn my best friends against me, fuck you. i don't need you or your bullshit so keep that in mind. i love those two with my whole heart and soul. they were two of my best friends, and now i got nothing to show for it because i guess i talk shit about people. so please, stop twisting every little fucking thing that i say. i'm getting really sick and tired of this stupid he said she said shit. thanks.

jilissa, you're my best friend. remember that. i would die for you, why would i talk shit about you? you haven't done anything wrong to make me mad, to hurt me, other than i miss hanging with you. but i'm always busy so its my fault. i'm sorry for whatever i did.

steven, so we're not dating anymore, big deal. you still mean the world. you're a good kid, i just wish you would believe me for once in your life. i'm not a bitch. despite what people say. i don't talk crap about you. i want you as a friend. nothing more, nothing less. keep that in mind.

you two are my world. lets keep it that way.

i'm tired of this stupid game, running in circles from you again.
don't blame me for what i gotta do,
i won't hate myself to be loved by you.